F-A-T

After watching Joy Nash and her fat rant, I'm ready to come out and say: I'm fat. I'm 5'8" and weight 174 lbs. I play water polo and horse back ride, and my favorite flavor of ice-cream is vanilla. I've struggled with my body for a long time. I've always been a bigger girl, but it wasn't until college that I realized how much it bothered me. I hated my body, and I hated that I wore a size 14-16. I felt embarrassed to go shopping, and to get desert at D Hall. The worst part of being big for me is trying to find bracelets. I can only get the kinds that have clasps, because the kinds that slip on wont fit over my hands. I know I'm fat, but I'm big too. We measured the the length of my shoulders against one of my guy friends and they were the same size. I'm not a small girl. I came to college weighing 184 lbs. I literally ate my feelings and they seemed to show up in my stomach and thighs. When I came to JMU, I looked around and said I am really really fat. So when my roommate asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with her I said yes, and I stated to get salads at D hall. I lost a lot of weight in a healthy way, but as I began to lose more weight I felt more insecure. This isn't right. I'm supposed to feel happier when I'm skinny. The truth is I didn't. I started to find more and more things I hated about myself. The way my thighs looked when I sat down, and how they stuck to the plastic desks in class. Fat rolls created by bras became my worst enemy. I was not happy, and it showed.
It took a long time for me to feel comfortable with being 10-20 lbs lighter. I know that I look much better and feel healthier, but I still struggle with saying, "Hey it's ok, so I'm still a double digit size. I look good." Being comfortable with yourself is not easy. We all say that we should love ourselves, and we should, but it's important to remember that we can love ourselves and still get healthy. I wish someone had to me that it's ok to struggle with truly liking yourself, it's worth the hardship. I work everyday on staying healthy, I do better on some days that others, but I always try and remember that I'm ok with me.
Watching Nash was very inspiring. I think she is right on, and I hope that more people can hear her message.